I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
