When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
