Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
