She is in my trunk
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
