Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
