sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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