On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
