I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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