I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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