great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
