I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
