I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
