Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
