so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
