At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
