Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
