Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
