I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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