I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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