our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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