i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
