i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
