We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
