You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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