Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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