So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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