Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
