i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
