Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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