Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
