I think I am morally bankrupt
is this the sara with the beer cane?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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