we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize