I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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