history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
