Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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