there's paper in my vomit.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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