If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
how does that bad decision feel?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
