1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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