Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
