First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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