I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
