I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
