please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
