I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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