this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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