then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
