He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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