why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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