i wish my penis had a tongue
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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