You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
