You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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