I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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