i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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