Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
