you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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