So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
