If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
