He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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