New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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