The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Pants are for mortals
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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