just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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