Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
