I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
