You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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