Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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