apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
