Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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