Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
