So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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