I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
