loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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