Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
