new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
