My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
