You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
