I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
