So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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