i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize